Marrying My Ex Husband Was The Greatest Mistake Of My Life....I Married Him Out Of Sympathy...........Drummer Ara



Ara 'n' her ex husband

Talented drummer Ara granted Vanguard an interview recently where she talked about her failed marriage, the revelation that love isn't the reason why she got married to her ex husband,why she does not want her ex husband around her son , amongst other shocking revelations.  

So, you probably asked God for a husband too?

I didn’t.

You didn’t ask God for a husband?

No, I didn’t ask God for my ex-husband. At that point in time, I didn’t

more after the jump

see any need to ask and that was the greatest mistake of my life.

You walked into it with your eyes shut?

Yes, I did.

You were at the peak of your career and all of a sudden one heard that you were getting married and nothing was heard of the guy before. What did you see in him?

There’s so much I can’t talk about on the pages of newspapers. But at that time, some things were programmed and you can’t walk away from it. The major thing was that I was leaving things with my management for years and was shielded from the world.

I had no friend, I didn’t socialize. And I wasn’t allowed to do so not because I didn’t want to. Even my parents did not have easy access to me during that time.

It was that bad. At a point, I was told he was the best for me, that nobody loved me and wished me well, that the only person that wished me well was my management.

And of course, I bought the story. It got to a point that my mother fought her way backl into my life as she refused to go and I  really appreciated her coming into my life at that point in time.  I tried dating during that period but it didn’t click.

This guy was somebody I’d dated between 1994 and 1995 before he left the country. He messed  up in the process, causing our  break up. Later, he returned to me and I forgave him. But he messed up again and I forgave him again. After a while, he left Nigeria and I told myself that I was done with the relationship.

But it then came to a point, when I needed a shoulder to lean on and he was the only one who could stand the pressure from my management. So, I found in him a friend again, somebody  I could naturally share my problems with.

But naturally, he would never have been my choice in terms of my kind of man. It happened that he was the only one around me at that time I could talk to because I realized a lot of things went wrong with my management deal and set up. So, naturally, I gravitated towards him.

So you married him out of sympathy?

Yes that was part of it but there’s more to it that I can’t talk about.

So finally, it ended. How did that feel?

It hurts for one reason because I never prayed for my child to come from a broken home. I regretted the marriage and everything but I don’t regret my son. My son came to me at a time I needed someone of mine. But now, he can’t see his dad the way I would have wanted him to because I’m separated from his dad.

But you’re still very good friends

I wouldn’t say we are good friends at the moment, but we tolerate each other because sometimes he needs to speak with his son and I wouldn’t deny him access to the boy. Recently, he had another baby from another woman and I cut off from him totally because this is Nigeria and I need to protect my son and myself.

I wouldn’t want a situation where his new woman would think her man is coming back to me. She ’ll see me as a threat to having her way in the man’s life. The moment he had another son, I warned him to stop calling  my son the way he used to, not because I don’t want him to  but because I don’t want to have problem s with any woman.

Does he take responsibility?

Not at all. I’ve been the sole provider for my son.

You talk like someone who isn’t interested in any relationship again?

I wouldn’t say I’m seeing anyone at the moment. I wish I could. I want to but I don’t know who to trust and I can’t allow anybody into my life because I’m answerable to my son. I can’t afford to allow him see many men in my life.

I want him to grow up knowing that I’m a responsible mum who did everything to give him the best in life. The father isn’t there so I’m both the father and the mother. I have  so many men who are saying they love me but I don’t know them. I want to know them but I sense that they are not genuine.

They just want Ara but people would say how would I know them if I don’t give them a chance. But the thing is that I smell a rat. My heart was broken and I’m a very emotional person. I’m sensitive and naturally show so much love and I want it too. But I find it difficult to see love around me.

I keep saying that my sister-in-laws are lucky to have my brothers because I see the way my brothers treat their wives but I don’t see most of it out there. And because I look younger than my age, I get more of younger toasters and I can’t do that.

Talking about love, is it that while growing up, you lacked love?

There was love in my family. I’m my father’s ‘last wife’ because I’m very close to him. Like I said, my sister-in-laws are lucky to have my brothers because they saw a love-filled environment My brothers understand what it means to take care of a woman.

So what it means is that, let me just say that I find it difficult to trust. I’m not trusting and anyone shouldn’t blame me. There’s so much pressure on me from men but I’m just not seeing it now.

You’re not available for now?

I am but I’m not trusting.

Of all instruments, why did you pick the love for percussion?

I don’t know where I picked that up from.

Does anyone play that in your family?

Except in my extended family, my mother’s side. I grew up in Warri and from my primary school, I’ve been the head of the cultural group. In Akura where I schooled, I was the social prefect, the head drummer. I won a lot of competitions, beating all the boys hands down.

How has being a female talking drummer affected you?

When people see me, they just make their hands into the talking drum  and I just laugh. People go crazy about me especially women. You know men pretend a lot. It has opened doors for me and that’s the instrument God used to bring me out. It has brought about  positive returns in my life and I thank God.

In your time, female artistes aren’t so many. So how do you feel to see that female artistes are everywhere?

It’s a thing of joy and pride but if I say that all of them are still single ladies and are still paying their dues, I’m watching them and happy for them. But I’m praying that they won’t make the mistakes people like us have made. I was with the Ibru sisters last week and was telling them my personal experience. They were shocked that I went through all I went through and I’m still standing.

What were you telling them?

I was telling them what I experienced in my marriage. Even the men I opened up to couldn’t believe I went through all I did and I’m still able to do all I do on stage.

Was your experience that bad?

Yes it was bad.

Was he a wife beater?

I don’t want to talk about it. You’re recording so I can’t talk.

Read the full interview here